On the brink

I feel like I am on the verge of changing my life.  My biggest fear: geting in my own way.

Deep down in my bones I know that I really need to learn how to be a morning person--welcoming those quiet, peaceful hours praying, reading scriptures, and planning my day out before the chaos of the day begins (i.e. the kids wake up.)  I tried forcing myself up early before.  I woke up at 6am but a funny thing happened and the kids started waking up earlier.  They could sense that I was looking for quiet.  I sometimes shrug my shoulders and think being spiritual and being the mother of small children aren't compatible.  I know that it's not true, but it feels that way sometimes.  It feels that way when I can't focus on the Savior during the Sacrament because I'm quieting the older two and trying to keep my toddler from screaming or escaping.  It feels that way when I miss out on the rest of a lesson at church that I really needed because Owen (sweet little guy) isn't old enough to sit and be quiet. 

I try to remember that being a mother offers different kinds of opportunities to feel close to heaven.  There is a joy in loving children that can't be felt doing anything else in this world and feeling that joy is a transcendent experience.  If you let it, it will let you feel God in your life in a powerful way.  Holding your children is a spiritual experience if you let it be one.  This especially is true when they are sleeping.

I know that I need to get some personal time to feel close to God on my own, in some peace and quiet.  I have been reading a couple of blogs of women that have really inspired me to get my life in order.  I have a lot of goals and a lot of things I want to change but my only resolution this year is to learn to be a morning person and to wake up at 6am.  It seems like it shouldn't be that hard, I've done it before when one or more of the boys have gone through a phase where they would wake early.  This time though, it will be my choice.  And if I can learn to do that I can find the peace and motivation to do anything else I want to do.  But, it will be hard--really hard--to take control over when I wake up, to find internal motivation to get out of bed instead of a crying or hungry child forcing me to rise.  Trying to change old habits is hard.

Inspired to Action:
This gal has some great insight and inspiration for getting up early to "be with God" and planning your day so you are living more consciously.  Her advice really spoke to my soul.  Subscribe to her emails and from the emails you can read her article about establishing a morning routine.

Passionate Homemaking
I first got to this site from my friend Kathryn's link to this page about making a home notebook.  I love Lindsey's wisdom.  She knows where priorities should be and writes about building a home and loving her husband and children so beautifully.  Click on "Making a Home" for some really great posts from Lindsey and other guest bloggers.  I love the ideas of simplifying homemaking, shopping, having a home notebook, etc, to free up my brain for more important things.  Some of the changes I am making are these:

I have set my alarm for 6am.
I still haven't actually got out of bed at that time, but three out of five days this week I have woken up before my kids, with time to pray, read my scriptures, and plan out my day all in peace and quiet.  Owen is a little unpredictable and sometimes wakes up close to 6am sometimes as late as 7am, but those days he wakes up early I've tried to leave him in his room so I could finish what I needed to do.  Waking early is a work in progress because this is the hardest change for me.  Hopefully I will follow through with this until it's a habit.

I have made a home notebook.
I love, love my home notebook.  It is still a work in progress and some of the sections are blank, but I am so attached to it even in the first week I put it together. 

I just started monthly menu planning and grocery shopping.
We are on the third week out of the month and all is going great. I did a monster trip to the grocery store to stock up for the month. I ended up needing another cart at checkout to take all the food to my car.  The plan is to take one big trip every month then at the end of each week stock up on things like milk, produce and maybe a couple other things that we have run out of.  I printed out a page from here and have it taped inside a cabinet with the meals: breakfast, lunch, a snack, and dinner for every day of the month.  I keep another copy inside my notebook so on Sundays I can go over it and revise the week's meals if needed.  There are four breakfasts for the week and maybe five different lunches and five different snacks, and each Monday we have the same breakfast and lunch.  The dinners get rotated monthly, though there are some that we have twice a month because they are favorites or inexpensive dinners.  On Saturday and Sunday I don't have a lunch or dinner written in.  This gives us room to eat leftovers or use up something from the freezer, etc. 

I have felt lately that my head was full of chaos. Swimming, swirling, incomplete thoughts. Too many things to think about, too many things to do that my mind couldn't focus on one thing for a second. In the past I have dismissed the thoughts of being more organized and scheduled because I thought it was too strict. Now I am realizing I need to do this to really live.  The thought of what to make my kids for lunch, for instance, no longer occupies my head.  It's on the list.  Of course sometimes we've run out of something or need to use up leftovers so plans do change, but at least we have a starting point now.  A long while before Christmas Mark and I made up a list of people we were going to buy gifts for, budgeted amounts for each person, ideas for gifts, etc.  But, when we needed the list we didn't know where it was.  For days we searched and finally found it.  The next day it was missing again.  Then, I made my home planning notebook, found the paper and stuck in the "Holidays" section.  It was never lost again.  I love how my notebook is the perfect place for all of that important paper clutter.  It clears my mind to think of other things.  I love to make lists and now I have a place to put them.  Makes me want to go hug my notebook right now.

And when my mind isn't all muddied up I am more at peace and I can be a better wife and a better mother.  I feel like I can let myself spend time with my kids when I have my day planned out better and I know where I am going that day.  Putting God first will change my life too, if I follow through with what I know I need to do.  Wish me luck, this is going to take a total brain-rewire to shift from night owl to morning person.

What works for you?  I would love to hear what you do to simplify your life.