Things on My Mind

I kinda feel like unloading a bit of what is on my mind lately. A few thoughts:

1. My heart has been heavy lately thinking about someone I love. This person is going through a really, really rough time and lives far away from me and that makes me feel hopeless. Today we had a lesson in Relief Society that made me think of this person and I totally lost it. When I got home from church I could still feel this physical heaviness weighing on me. What do you do when there isn't much you can do?

2. Mark is looking for a new job. His company got bought out several months ago. Supposedly, things were going to stay the same for everybody but now they have decided that the accounting would all be done at the corporate level so no need for Mark and the other accountants that work with him. So, we're looking around, Mark has until March 15th until he's let go. We are not worried. We have savings but we have worked super hard to build our emergency fund and it would be nice to not have to dip into that if we didn't have to. Mark is a hard worker and has always without complaining worked hard for our family. A friend said to me, "Well, at least you'll get to see more of him if he's out of work," and I said, no that's not the plan. If Mark is out of work he will wake up at a normal time in the morning, shower, shave, get dressed in slacks and a collared shirt and look for a job for eight hours. I actually heard Dr. Phil talk about this once years ago and it has stuck with me: "If you don't have a job your job is looking for a job." That's how it's going to happen around here, and it's going to take my own dedication just as much as it will take Mark's to make sure that happens. Friday, Mark's family watched the boys so we could go out suit shopping so he'll have a nice suit for job interviews. I've never been suit shopping before, and it was kinda fun seeing my attractive guy modeling suits. We were pretty happy with the one we picked out.

3. I feel like we are pretty frugal folk. Sometimes I look around and wonder how people have the money to spend on certain things. I shouldn't compare, but I do. Sometimes I just have to tell myself that perhaps they don't really have the money to spend on this thing or that thing after all or that they choose to spend their money and maybe they don't have any money in the bank.

4. We have some debt still from when we were first married. Mark had a little and I had a little when we got married and then we had a little more that first year or so when money was super tight. It wasn't gigantic but it's been a slow process paying it off. When Mark was getting his masters degree a few years ago we used a student loan to pay off the credit card and the loan of one of our cars because the interest rate of the student loan was less. We've slowly been ticking away at that over the last few years and if the stars align and Mark is able to find a new job that will start right away when his old job ends in March we will be able to pay all of that off this summer and we will be totally debt free except for our mortgage. We will also have a good chunk of money set aside for emergencies. We're praying that things will work out that way but who knows what the Lord has in store for us.

5. If you don't mind, if you know any accountants that might have a connection for Mark, please let us know. He figures the best way to find a job is by knowing the right people, so I feel like it is my responsibility to spread the word. He is not a tax accountant, he does corporate accounting. He is a CPA, has a masters in accounting and has been a controller for a small company for the last 5 years. He's also very nice and looks good in his suit.

We did have Christmas around here

Hey, I'm not quite a month behind yet.  Better late than never. 

One night for Family Home Evening we acted out the nativity.  We pulled out some fabric, towels, and other items and let Dallin and Adam choose which part they wanted to play.  Owen didn't get to choose.  He's already an angel so that worked out.

Dallin was a wise man.  (The angel disrobing in the background).

 

Adam was a shepherd.

Mark and I were Mary and Joseph and we don't have any baby dolls (we are a family of boys) so some sort of animal was wrapped in swaddling clothes and laid in a serving tray.  Mark read from Luke 2 while we acted out the scene.  Afterward, Adam was looking outside.  The neighbors across the street has put up a lighted nativity scene that day and now it was dark and lit for the first time.  Adam exclaimed, "Hey!  That's the same play that we were doing!"  So it was the perfect opportunity to take the kids across the street and reinforce the message.  Sometimes those moments just fall into your lap and it was a sweet night with the boys. 

Here's a few other pictures from other things we did:

Mark and his jazz band played at the temple visitor's center one night.  Looks like this might become an annual tradition.

Owen and I watching the performance.

We went with the Melzers to a free "Media Night" for Zoolights.  Finally all this work for I Heart Mesa is starting to have some perks.

There's a neighborhood in Mesa we have visited for the last few years where an older couple dresses up like Santa and Mrs. Claus and visits with kids in this bench that they set up in front of their yard.  They collect donations of food and cash for the Child Crisis Center.  Aren't you glad there are good people in this world?

I love this picture below, partly because of the look Adam is giving his little brother.  The paper in the tree is one that Adam wrote.  He asked me how to spell, "I love my baby brother" then he put the paper up in the Christmas tree.  It says "I LOEV MY BABY BROTHER. LOEV ADAM."  Dallin and Adam were happy they got "warm pajamas" for Christmas like Owen has.  They wear these every night if they are clean.

And you can't tell from this picture, but it was snowing when I took it.  We got a good 15 minutes of snow at our house the week after and the boys were running around with our neighbor Jack signing, "Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow."  The snow was big enough that it would land on our clothes and on the ground for a few seconds.  That's a big deal around here.  I think I've only ever seen snow fall once in my life, on a band trip to northern Arizona.

I figured I'd better post because Mark has scared my from leaving the blog blank for too long.  You never know what he is going to put on here. 

Owen Lately

Last week Owen turned 18 months old.  This picture is from his first day of nursery.  Mark and I were joking that it was his second big milestone in the Church.  The baby blessing is first, then going to nursery is second.  Overall all though, he has been our easiest to handle during church which is surprising because he is a busy little guy. 

He is spunky and crazy just like the rest of the family.  Owen is our sunshine.  If one of the boys is upset I have found myself pointing out something silly Owen is doing to change the mood--it works like a charm.  A few things about Owen lately:

1. He gets into everything.  His favorite is using chairs to get up to the table or counter.  Owen is usually finished with dinner first so he is down running around and if anyone gets up out of their seat Owen sprints over to climb up on the chair and try to eat or play with what he finds on the table.  He also moves chairs from the dining area into the kitchen to get things on the counter.  This is pretty dangerous since there are sometimes knives or hot stoves up there so we have to keep on our guard.  He also is now tall enough to reach into the kitchen drawers.  He'll open them up, stand on his tiptoes and reach his hand over blindly fishing for something interesting.  Also dangerous.
2. He can say several words but a lot of them are hard to identify.  He doesn't enunciate very well yet, but we are learning to decipher what he says: "dee" for drink, "mah" for more, etc.  He does have a very cute little head/full body nod.  When I ask him if he wants a certain snack or toy he will nod his whole little self and it makes me smile every time.
3. He has fast little legs and makes the greatest pitter patter sound around our house.
4. He is waking up early again, which is making it difficult for mom to have a little time to herself in the morning.  What to do?
5. He loves to read books.  He'll grab one and walk over to me then turn backwards about a foot from my lap and back up til he reaches me to drop in my lap to read.  Sweet.
6. Dallin and Adam love the little nicknames we've come up with for him.  O's is the most common.  When he's happy, it's Cheery-O's, when he's sad it's Woes.  They think it's funny when he vacillates between the two:  Now he's Cheery-O's!   Now he's Woes! 

On the brink

I feel like I am on the verge of changing my life.  My biggest fear: geting in my own way.

Deep down in my bones I know that I really need to learn how to be a morning person--welcoming those quiet, peaceful hours praying, reading scriptures, and planning my day out before the chaos of the day begins (i.e. the kids wake up.)  I tried forcing myself up early before.  I woke up at 6am but a funny thing happened and the kids started waking up earlier.  They could sense that I was looking for quiet.  I sometimes shrug my shoulders and think being spiritual and being the mother of small children aren't compatible.  I know that it's not true, but it feels that way sometimes.  It feels that way when I can't focus on the Savior during the Sacrament because I'm quieting the older two and trying to keep my toddler from screaming or escaping.  It feels that way when I miss out on the rest of a lesson at church that I really needed because Owen (sweet little guy) isn't old enough to sit and be quiet. 

I try to remember that being a mother offers different kinds of opportunities to feel close to heaven.  There is a joy in loving children that can't be felt doing anything else in this world and feeling that joy is a transcendent experience.  If you let it, it will let you feel God in your life in a powerful way.  Holding your children is a spiritual experience if you let it be one.  This especially is true when they are sleeping.

I know that I need to get some personal time to feel close to God on my own, in some peace and quiet.  I have been reading a couple of blogs of women that have really inspired me to get my life in order.  I have a lot of goals and a lot of things I want to change but my only resolution this year is to learn to be a morning person and to wake up at 6am.  It seems like it shouldn't be that hard, I've done it before when one or more of the boys have gone through a phase where they would wake early.  This time though, it will be my choice.  And if I can learn to do that I can find the peace and motivation to do anything else I want to do.  But, it will be hard--really hard--to take control over when I wake up, to find internal motivation to get out of bed instead of a crying or hungry child forcing me to rise.  Trying to change old habits is hard.

Inspired to Action:
This gal has some great insight and inspiration for getting up early to "be with God" and planning your day so you are living more consciously.  Her advice really spoke to my soul.  Subscribe to her emails and from the emails you can read her article about establishing a morning routine.

Passionate Homemaking
I first got to this site from my friend Kathryn's link to this page about making a home notebook.  I love Lindsey's wisdom.  She knows where priorities should be and writes about building a home and loving her husband and children so beautifully.  Click on "Making a Home" for some really great posts from Lindsey and other guest bloggers.  I love the ideas of simplifying homemaking, shopping, having a home notebook, etc, to free up my brain for more important things.  Some of the changes I am making are these:

I have set my alarm for 6am.
I still haven't actually got out of bed at that time, but three out of five days this week I have woken up before my kids, with time to pray, read my scriptures, and plan out my day all in peace and quiet.  Owen is a little unpredictable and sometimes wakes up close to 6am sometimes as late as 7am, but those days he wakes up early I've tried to leave him in his room so I could finish what I needed to do.  Waking early is a work in progress because this is the hardest change for me.  Hopefully I will follow through with this until it's a habit.

I have made a home notebook.
I love, love my home notebook.  It is still a work in progress and some of the sections are blank, but I am so attached to it even in the first week I put it together. 

I just started monthly menu planning and grocery shopping.
We are on the third week out of the month and all is going great. I did a monster trip to the grocery store to stock up for the month. I ended up needing another cart at checkout to take all the food to my car.  The plan is to take one big trip every month then at the end of each week stock up on things like milk, produce and maybe a couple other things that we have run out of.  I printed out a page from here and have it taped inside a cabinet with the meals: breakfast, lunch, a snack, and dinner for every day of the month.  I keep another copy inside my notebook so on Sundays I can go over it and revise the week's meals if needed.  There are four breakfasts for the week and maybe five different lunches and five different snacks, and each Monday we have the same breakfast and lunch.  The dinners get rotated monthly, though there are some that we have twice a month because they are favorites or inexpensive dinners.  On Saturday and Sunday I don't have a lunch or dinner written in.  This gives us room to eat leftovers or use up something from the freezer, etc. 

I have felt lately that my head was full of chaos. Swimming, swirling, incomplete thoughts. Too many things to think about, too many things to do that my mind couldn't focus on one thing for a second. In the past I have dismissed the thoughts of being more organized and scheduled because I thought it was too strict. Now I am realizing I need to do this to really live.  The thought of what to make my kids for lunch, for instance, no longer occupies my head.  It's on the list.  Of course sometimes we've run out of something or need to use up leftovers so plans do change, but at least we have a starting point now.  A long while before Christmas Mark and I made up a list of people we were going to buy gifts for, budgeted amounts for each person, ideas for gifts, etc.  But, when we needed the list we didn't know where it was.  For days we searched and finally found it.  The next day it was missing again.  Then, I made my home planning notebook, found the paper and stuck in the "Holidays" section.  It was never lost again.  I love how my notebook is the perfect place for all of that important paper clutter.  It clears my mind to think of other things.  I love to make lists and now I have a place to put them.  Makes me want to go hug my notebook right now.

And when my mind isn't all muddied up I am more at peace and I can be a better wife and a better mother.  I feel like I can let myself spend time with my kids when I have my day planned out better and I know where I am going that day.  Putting God first will change my life too, if I follow through with what I know I need to do.  Wish me luck, this is going to take a total brain-rewire to shift from night owl to morning person.

What works for you?  I would love to hear what you do to simplify your life.